To the left you'll see a picture of Jon Knautz, director of Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer and one of the many people involved in the writing of said movie. Being a fellow Canadian he seems like a nice enough fellow, although I find his disdain for cripples slightly disturbing.

1. Who would win in a fight between The Cure and Depeche Mode?

I would have to say the Cure. Only because I absolutely LOVE their song in the “The Crow”. That scene when Lee puts on the make up and the suit, was a huge influence for me as a young filmmaker. I literally made my own version of that movie in high school. Killer soundtrack…the Cure is awesome…they’d win.

2. So now that you're famous are you going to stay in Canada or run to the US like everyone else (it worked for me, except the famous part)?

Ha ha, famous? Not yet. I actually have a duel Canadian and American citizenship, but I don’t see myself rushing off to the States anytime soon. I’ve got a pretty good thing going on here in Canada with our company Brookstreet Pictures. We have the financing and support to make films here, so why stop? Now that doesn’t mean we’re gonna shoot everything in Canada, but our home base will always be here.

3. Do Americans make fun of you for adding the letter 'u' into words? Ex. Colour

We make fun of Americans for not adding the letter “u”!

4. Have you noticed that Canadian Oreos are better than American Oreos?

No, I haven’t. Awesome question though. Totally original. I’ll have to compare the two someday.

5. You've been given the green light to remake any movie, what would it be?

That’s tough because most of the movies I love, I wouldn’t want to remake because they’re perfect how they are. However, two of my favorites movies “The Thing” and “The Fly” were remakes so guess it can work. Funny enough I was talking with my Dad the other day about how much fun it would be to remake “Forbidden Planet” . Also “The Incredible Shrinking Man” could be a pretty cool remake. I hear Ratner’s doing it.

6. Night of the Demons is being remade with Shannon Elizabeth as Angela, how does this make you feel?

It makes me feel curious. I would check it out….if they do it right.

7. According to an interview I read, you and Trevor Mathews came up with the idea for JBMS while drinking. Just how big a part did drinking play in the creation of this movie?

Well…we let it play a big part. As the beer flowed the ideas flowed. We figured why stop? Nights like those can be a lot of fun, you just have to check your notes the next morning to make sure you’re not a total idiot. That night…things came together. Other nights… we were just tumbling, tumbling dick weeds.

8. You're on death row for slaughtering a bunch of people. What would your last meal be?

If I’m there cause I slaughtered people, then I’m obviously pretty badass. So I would have to stick with my badass style and have a steak diner (rare), cover it in Franks hot sauce…and an ice-cold beer in a giant mug. Afterwards I’d smash the mug over the guard’s head and escape…and kill more people.

9. You use Trevor Matthews in almost all of your films, is this because you feel he's very talented or because you feel sorry for him? Be honest, it's not like anyone really reads our site.

Ha ha ha, yeah I just feel so bad for the poor little bastard. No, I honestly think he’s got talent. It’s fun casting him cause he’s a buddy of mine. We know each other well and it’s fun to go through the experience together. I totally wrote the Jack character for him.

10. Since JBMS is becoming sort of an indie hit, is it helping you pull lots of ladies? Not counting convention chicks, cause knows no one wants them.

The babes are just swinging off my balls. Mainly super models. They just can’t get enough of my dorky monster movie. I can barley get through explaining to babe what my motivation was for smashing a mutants head in with a pipe before she just jumps me. I’ve literally had to stop going to Victoria’s Secret modeling events because the models just can’t concentrate when they spot me in the crowd wearing my Evil Dead 2 shirt.

11. From IMDB - 'Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is utterly boring and while Jon Knautz obviously does have the talent to create a good film, Jack Brooks completely misses the mark. It has its successes, but those don't change the fact that it's not very entertaining at all'. Does this make you want to find this guy and kick him in the nuts?

I would, but I’m just too busy getting babes and developing more monster movies. He’ll just have to wait.

12. What was the last movie you watched, not including one of your own, that finished with you thinking 'I could have made that better'?

Paul Schrader’s Dominion. Don’t get me wrong, I love Schrader…he wrote Taxi Driver for Christ’s’ sakes! But what the hell was up with those CGI hyenas??? Totally ruined it for me.

13. What TV show do you never miss?

I pretty much never miss The Golden Girls. I just couldn’t relate.

14. What would it take for you to sleep with Rosie O'Donnel?

I guess she’d have to get me REALLY drunk again.

15. You go on a blind date with a lady and have a great time. She is smart, attractive, and incredible sexy. Then you find out she is missing both legs above the knees. Does this ruin it for you?'

Am I supposed to take this literally? Cause that’s a weird image man. First of all, I wouldn’t have a good time. I mean she obviously can’t walk properly…I’d have to carry her in a basket or something…or throw her over my shoulder C-3PO style. Either way, the date’s off to an awkward start. I’d probably take her swimming…just for laugh. Then drop her off at the circus…I’m such a dick.

16. You go to the doctor for a regular check-up and he tells you that you have cancer of the penis. You have to options: Either keep your penis and die in six months, or lose your penis and live a long and healthy, albeit penisless, life. Which do you choose?

This reminds me of a game me and my buddies play. Offer up two awful situations and then pick one. I guess we’re not the only ones that do it. You bastard…I don’t know…I really want my penis, but I also want to live awhile to make more movies. God damn it! Fine…I’d keep the tool and go on a 6 month spree with all those super models, but I’d leave Rosie out.

We asked my buddy once, what would you rather? 1) get fucked in the ass or 2) get shot in the leg…..he said “I’d pick number 1. Getting shot in the leg would hurt…but getting fucked in the ass might at least feel good.”

I couldn’t stop laughing.

17. Are you of the opinion that hybrids are for douche bags?

Ha ha no. Hybrids are cool. Does that make me a douche bag?

18. Name three major stars in Hollywood you could take in a fight.

I’d beat up the cast of “Full House”, except Bob Saget, since I’ve seen his stand up…hilarious.

19. Name a woman you would be willing to cut off the last digit of your pinky finger to have at your sexual beck and call.

I recently came across a German actress named Collien Fernandes. Unbelievable!

20. My mom finds my fascination/obsession with violent and horrific films disturbing. How do your parents feel about it? I'm talking about you not me.

Thanks for specifying, because my parents don’t know anything about your crazy obsessions. However, they think I’m pretty normal…I think. They’ve always supported me. Even when I started killing kittens and drinking their blood.

I couldn't find a picture of Mr. Ainslie to use for this section so I Googled 'stereotypical frenchman' and came up with the picture you see to the left. He's one of the four writers listed on IMDB for this movie, which makes me wonder why so many were needed. I can't really say why, but in researching the man I found out that he and I grew up about 20 minutes from each other. However, because he attended a French highschool and I an English, we're forever sworn enemies. Much like the dolphin and the bear.

1. A magical being appears and tells you that he'll give you the ability to sleep with any woman you want, but for every hot chick you copulate with you have to sleep with two members of the local Senior Citizens Weight Watchers group. Is it worth it?

I don't believe in magic.

2. Dude, you went to l'Essor!* That's awesome, I once had a six hour phone conversation with a crazy chick who went there. Anyway, I need to make this into a question, so... my friends and I used to hang out outside of the French/Catholic schools to watch the girls in their uniforms. Did you have to wear uniforms? If so, do you still have a fondness for Catholic schoolgirl uniforms?

That's two questions. 1) We never wore uniforms. In fact when they tried to make us we all walked out of class and slept on the front lawn for a couple weeks in protest. 2) I'm not a big fan of uniforms or anything Catholic for that matter. If those uniforms belong anywhere, I would say that strip clubs and porn films are the place for them because every one knows how Catholic girls are.

3. How come you're not listed on l'Essor's wikipedia page under 'Famous Alumni'?

Because I'm not famous.

4. I see you spent some time in Italy. My wife spent some time there after high school and claims that Italian men are some of the dirtiest, most perverse people she's ever met. Do you agree?

Don't know. I've never dated any Italian men, but I'm sure it goes back to the Catholic thing again.

5. Growing up, us kids who attended the English speaking high schools had a certain ingrained, yet unwarranted, animosity towards the French high schools. Did you guys feel the same way towards us?

Only when we were beating one of you up.

6. If you had the talent and opportunity to join any musical group or band, who would it be? Please don't say Radiohead because you seem like a cool guy and I don't want to hate you.

Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, but Frank is dead.

7. Who's the one director you'd give a testicle to work with?

Claude Lelouch

8. Name the one piece of technology you couldn't live without?

The Guinness widget.

9. What was the last movie you regretted seeing?

I generally turn a movie off if I'm regretting seeing it, last night I watched half of "Zodiac".

10. Who was the last person you wanted to punch in the face?

I don't know his name, but I bet you he was driving a Corolla.

11. What was the last thing you said to someone you wish you could take back?

Sure, I'd be happy to answer twenty questions.

12. Waffles or pancakes?

Neither, give me bacon and eggs.

13. You just signed a multi-million dollar deal with some huge Hollywood movie machine and are now officially rich as crap. Do you buy a sissy car with good gas mileage and low carbon footprint that's good for the environment or do you buy a manly vehicle that's either fast, overly expensive and gets incredibly low liters per kilometer (that's miles per gallon to you yanks) or a manly truck that's large enough to run over small family cars and also has incredibly bad gas consumption?

Sorry, it hurts me inside to say this - because I grew up so close to the motor city - but I move to LA and buy a Prius.

14. Name someone you wish would stop making movies?

Why should I care who makes movies?

15. One of your good friends is being an incredibly drunken ass at a party. The magnificently fine lady you're attempting to woo is noticeably disgusted by the aforementioned friend. Do you ditch the lady to help/calm down your friend or do you pretend to not know the jerk and keep trying to get the dame?

It all depends on how good looking she is.

16. Of the main people involved in JBMS (Jon, Trevor, Robert and Rachel), who do you think you could definitely take in a fight?

I think the better question is – "Who couldn't I?" To which the answer is of course Rachel.

17. Any desire to break into the American market?

Yes.

18. Did you ever go to a bar in Windsor called Changez?**

Yes.

19. I see that you're a western fan, what is your favorite western?

The Wild Bunch or The Searchers… it's not an easy choice.

20. If you search your wife's name on IMDB one of the things that comes up under 'Additional Details' is Female Nudity. Why is that?

We have common interests. Also, because she worked on Scary Movie 3.

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* The local french speaking high school all the french kids in my area were bussed to.

** Unless you grew up in the Windsor, Ontario or Detroit, Michigan bar scene, this won't mean much to you. This was the club you hung out at if you were into punk, goth, industrial or general weirdness. It's also the club I went to every night between 1991 and 1992 and where I developed my infatuation with goth chicks, who are generally either hot as hell or fat chicks who wish they were hot as hell. They're also very, very slutty. Which makes them awesome. It was also a great place to pick up drunk chicks who came over from Detroit for our cheap, strong beer and 19 year old drinking age, and then got too drunk to get back over the border.