Hybrid (1997) Starring Brinke Stevens, J.J. North & John Blyth Barrymore Directed by Fred Olen Ray Written by Sean O'Bannon

I am not going to waste any time defending this film. If you were looking for serious fare, don’t even consider this title. Look at the cover for Christ’s sake! That alone guarantees no serious connoisseur of art or film will bother to pick it off the shelf for anything more than a laugh. However, this girl knows who she wants to meet and if it’s you she’s looking for, this DVD will reach right off the shelf, grab you by your scrawny neck and squeeze your little marbles till the money falls out of your sweaty palms.

This film represents all things sacred in the ass-backwards world of the B-movie. It’s a Fred Olen Ray film, you know Fred, the man responsible for HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS. HYBRID, featuring Brinke Stevens, J.J. North, and a big clumsy monster, is just another notch in Fred’s consummate collection of crap. This will mean something to you, if you follow material of this nature. Ray is a master of the B’s and one of the few who stands proudly behind his butt-ugly fuckin’ mutant babies and makes fun of them with you. HYBRID is one of my favorite abominations and I’d like to tell you why.

If you have seen David DeCoteau’s 1987 film CREEPOZOIDS, you will recognize the plot in HYBRID. Both feature post-apocalyptic landscapes, scarred from constant battle, humans terrorized by an unseen menace (the “menace” wasn’t in the budget), and a small band of soldiers hiding from said creeping unknowns. Sure HYBRID rips off CREEPOZOIDS, but I ask you this; is it possible to have too many post apocalyptic films filled with naked women showering? I say the answer to that question is an unequivocal NO!

Traveling through the desert in a tri-wheeled monstrosity of an RV (in actuality, just leftover stock footage from Jack Smight’s cheesetacular ’77 opus DAMNATION ALLEY) a group of scientists and soldiers: ‘Dr. Paul Hamilton’ (John Barrymore III), Dr. Leslie Morgan’ (Brinke Stevens), her assistant ‘Carla’ (J.J. North), tech nerd ‘Milo’ ( Ted Monte) and tough guy’ Sgt. Frank Blaine’ (G.Gordon Baer) are attempting to find shelter.

Five minutes in, their ride shits the bed and they find themselves on foot with the looming threat of “ion” showers approaching. Ion showers are a bad thing (I don’t know why, you’ll have to ask Fred) and they need to get inside quickly. It is just as well because there is a shower scene somewhere in this film and who cares about the effects of ions when there are women who are ready to take their clothes off?

As they search for a safe place to hide, our group come across a soldier named ‘McQueen’ (Tim Abell) who informs them he’s headed for a research facility, only about five miles from their present location. Believing there is no better option, the group decides to tag along.

Upon arriving at the research station they all wisely decide to split up and check the place out. This is a good thing for the audience, because while investigating the facility Dr. Leslie and her assistant discover a functioning shower, how convenient is that?

At this point, the exploitation board or some other equally clandestine group of un-censors demands that the audience be treated to glorious and gratuitous female nudity. Fred caves to the perverted demands of his audience and we get a wonderfully drawn out shower scene involving both Brinke and J.J. seductively soaping each others prominent pieces.

This having been accomplished, it is now time to move on to a kill scene, to deflate the wood that has undoubtedly popped up. Thankfully the first one on the menu is Dr. Hamilton who is mauled by a creature; some kind of hybrid mutant cockroach, snake, man thingy that drips more goo than a facial-bimbo in a porn film. The monster grabs Hamilton and growls at him while squeezing his peanut head, putting his terrible acting to rest.

As is to be expected, most of the rest of the film is spent attempting to identify Hamilton’s killer and then find a way to put it down. During this expository portion of the film we are treated to a little much needed backstory, bringing to light preexisting problems the character have with one another. It is here that HYBRID rises above a lot of other similarly themed garbage. It gives you enough detail to draw you into this admittedly pathetic scenario.

Looking sheepishly around the room, you hope no one else is noticing you’re actually paying attention. It isn’t a believable backstory, and the characters are painfully clichéd, but it is too late; you enlisted and now must participate like a soft-in-the-squash draftee. You have to know what will happen, so you watch this film until the end credits. You’ll complain about the deficiencies, but when no one is watching, you will pull it out and watch again because honestly? You can’t take your eyes off Brinke rubbing J.J.’s ass!

One of my favorite parts, aside from the shower, is when McQueen is attacked by the semi-horse-head looking mutant that growls and attempts to also squeeze his head, only to be thwarted by McQueen’s prowess fighting guys in rubber suits. Walking briskly away from the attack, with only a scratch on his arm, our hero manages to elude the monster that isn’t following him anyway. Being the heroic type and because this is a B, it is time for boobs. So of course, he goes directly to the girls sleeping quarters instead of alerting everyone to the danger. What? It makes sense, he has to protect them and you will be really glad he did, because open wounds turn Carla on and who doesn’t want to see J.J. North naked again!

HYBRID isn’t original and it isn’t lots of other stuff too, but none of that counts. What counts is its pace and ability to hit its marks, always before the audience gets bored. This is what makes this film a “must have” in the library of any aficionado of bad films. Bad is good in this world and when you can combine bad, boobs, pacing and a complete cohesive storyline you have a classic B that stands the test of time.