It's that time of year kids! There is a chill in the air, we are getting our party plans, movie viewing choices and costumes together. We are maneuvering around the Christmas decorations (It's only October!) in the stores while shopping for spider web party platters and skull head goblets. Yes, it's Halloween!

Why not come to my house this year? I have the good candy. No popcorn balls or granola bars here! (Did anyone else grow up with a creepy older couple in the neighborhood who just gave out bags of pennies?) But hey, if you can't make it to my neck of the woods, I hope you enjoy this little article as my treat to you instead.

We know what people inside the genre think about horror but what about people outside of the genre? Personalities weigh in on the subject of horror and answer my goofy questions. Jason Voorhees as a porn star? A kids cartoon with Karen Black and a certain African Zuni fetish doll? That creepy bastard Ronald McDonald? Yeah, it's all here.

Porn legend Randy West has been making movies since
the late 70's. In 1993 West got innovative and started his
own series of 'reality' porn films. He wound up finding a
lot of the big names you see in the porn industry today
including Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick, Belladonna and
Jenna Haze. Randy was nice enough to step away from
the hot chicks long enough to answer my questions.
Halloween is about to get sexy!

1.What are some of your favorite horror films?
THE BIRDS, THE BLOB, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, HALLOWEEN, HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL and a bunch of others were some that I liked.

2.What horror movie would you like to remake into a porno?
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL would be a good porn remake because of all the different rooms for weird and kinky terrifying sex to happen.

3.What scared you as a kid?
The most scared I was as a kid was from THE BLOB, the way it came through the heating and air conditioning vents and I had one right next to my bed. It took a couple of years to get over that one.

4.Which is scarier, THE EXORCIST or seeing Ron Jeremy naked?
I think seeing Ron naked is scarier because it's real!!!!!! (laughs)

5.What is your all time favorite scene from a horror movie?
Probably watching Linda Blair's head spin around in THE EXORCIST, although in THE BIRDS when they were pecking away and drawing blood that was pretty good too. Also, when Frankenstein first got off the table and was alive!!!!!!!!

6.Worst horror film you have ever seen?
For worst movie, kind of a tie between some of the Zombie movies and the Mummy movies

7. If you had to pick one: Decapitation or Disembowelment?
If I had to pick I'd say decapitation and make it quick.

8.Any scary moments on a porn set you could share with us?
Too many scary moments on porn sets to list here (laughs)

9.The first horror film you saw in the theater?
I think THE BLOB was the first one I saw in a theater.

10.Who would make the better porn star, Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees?
Probably Jason because Freddy's nails could be damaging to certain sex organs, if you know what I mean. Finger fucking is definitely out!!!!!!!

11. If you were a victim in a horror movie, How would you want to die?
If I had to die in a horror flick I think I would want a serial killer to knock me out and then put me in a car in the garage, turn on the engine so the fumes would gas me. Put me to sleep and I could just drift away to my next incarnation. Perhaps a new movie called GARAGE OF DEATH (laughs). Can you imagine GARAGE OF DEATH 12???????

More information about Randy can be found at www.randywest.com

You probably recognize funnyman Chris Porter from his stint on LAST
COMIC STANDING 4 and Comedy Central's "Live at Gotham". Also,
he can be seen on Will Ferrell's Funny or Die website in video's like MY
ROOMMATE THE ABORTIONIST, you know, really heartwarming and
PC stuff! He does funny well and was kind enough to take some time
out of his busy touring schedule to answer these questions.

1.Who do you think would be the most fun to get stoned with, Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees?
Jason, we could turn his mask into a fogger!!! Hell yeah!

2.How would you like to murder a heckler? Meat cleaver or bayonet?
Bayonet. That way I don't have to get close to them.

3.Which is scarier, THE EXORCIST or seeing John McCain in the White House?
McCain. The Exorcist doesn't have access to "the button."

4. If you had to pick one: Decapitation or Disembowelment?
To do what? Happen to me? To perform on someone? Decapitation for both.

5.What horror film could be turned into a great porno?
Hostel. It already almost was one.

6. If you were a victim in a horror movie, How would you want to die?
I'd want to get fucked to death by hot chicks. That would show me.

7.What scared you as a kid?
Ronald McDonald.

8.Any scary moments on stage that you could share?
One time a guy showed me the bullet he was gonna shoot me with.

To find out where you can see Chris live, go to www.chrisporterisfunny.com

Frank Conniff is known to fans everywhere as TV's Frank on Mystery
Science Theater 3000, where he was also a writer. For 5 years he played
one of the mad scientists helping to keep Joel Robinson and his robot pals
in space while subjecting them to mind-numbingly bad movies. Executive
story editor and writing jobs followed with SABRINA THE TEENAGE
WITCH and the critically acclaimed animated series INVADER ZIM. Now
the talented Mr. Conniff can be seen in the variety show CARTOON DUMP
and CINEMATIC TITANIC.

1. What are some of your favorite horror films?
NIGHT OF THE HUNTER, PSYCHO, PEEPING TOM

2.What scared you as a kid?
Besides my family? Even though it's not technically a horror film, the movie FAIL SAFE really scared me with its depiction of an accidental nuclear war.

3.Which is scarier, THE EXORCIST or watching Joe Don Baker in MITCHELL?
Definitely Joe Don Baker, not the least because of his ability to make the viewer's head spin around and vomit.

4.What is your all time favorite scene from a horror movie?
The scene in THE SHINING where Shelly Duvall realizes that Jack Nicholson has been writing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" over and over again. This depiction of the ultimate writer's block is truly horrifying for a writer to watch.

5.Worst horror film you have ever seen.
This may seem like a cheap plug (because it is) but you'd have a hard time finding a worse "horror" movie than our upcoming Cinematic Titanic release LEGACY OF BLOOD. Seriously, it is just awful.

6. If you had to pick one: Decapitation or Disembowelment?
I'll pick Decapitation because it seems like you'd loose more weight that way.

7.What horror movie would make a really great children's cartoon?
I would love to see a cartoon based on the voodoo doll from the TRILOGY OF TERROR segment with Karen Black.

8.The first horror film you saw in the theater?
This was a long time ago, but I think it was either OUR MOTHER'S HOUSE, a movie I haven't seen since but was actually quite good, or BERSERK with Joan Crawford, which even as a kid I thought was cheesy.

9. If you were on a 70's-style horror themed cop show, who would you want to be your partner? Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees?
Freddy, because if we were driving around in our squad car and I fell asleep at the wheel, he'd be able to enter my dream and tell me to wake up.

10. If you were a victim in a horror movie, How would you want to die?
I'd want to die peacefully in my sleep from extreme old age. Not much of a horror movie, is it?

11.What Milton Bradley board game would make a really creepy horror movie?
OPERATION is the obvious choice, but MYSTERY DATE probably has the potential to be even more horrifying.

CARTOON DUMP is available as a podcast on http://www.cartoonbrewfilms.com
Information on CINEMATIC TITANIC can be found by visiting http://cinematictitanic.com/wpmu/

Happy Halloween!