Animal Soup (2008) Starring Sophia Disgrace, Scorpio Vixen & David Pliskin Directed by James A Kirkby & David VG Davies Written by James A Kirkby

For many a horror writer and filmmaker, these are words to live by. And I very strongly suspect it’s a sentiment shared by the makers of Animal Soup.

We know the drill when it comes to low-budget horror - not much money, not much experience, but plenty of enthusiasm. The absence of recognised actors or high production values needn’t be an issue; all a horror movie really needs to sell is a good hook, some distinct quality that will make it stand apart. And sometimes, the best way to do that is to just go all-out sick. Night of the Living Dead, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Evil Dead ‾ these are all films that followed that rationale, and pushed the envelope for what horror could do ‾ challenging, above all else, the boundaries of good taste.

Our very own Mia (Sophia Disgrace)

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Now, as I should hope the filmmakers won’t mind me saying, Animal Soup is not remotely in the same league as any of the aforementioned films. But, by god, it sure is distasteful. And, insofar as it leaves the viewer struggling to hold onto their last meal, it achieves exactly what it sets out to do.

Here would seem the appropriate place for a plot synopsis, but there really isn’t a great deal to say. Some people go out into the countryside, and get fucked up royally by some insane inbred cannibalistic locals. That’s pretty much it. Character, backstory and even dialogue are of virtually no concern, and so barely get touched on. And why not? Yes, there are plenty of cheapo horror flicks that put a degree of effort into crafting multi-layered plots and characters, but more often than not the results are little more than embarrassing. By barely paying it lip service, Animal Soup cuts through that bullshit in a refreshingly unpretentious manner. It does mean, however, that things drag a bit to begin with - after opening with a bizarre media frenzy montage that doesn’t seem to bear too much relation to what follows, the pace drops significantly, the first half hour or so consisting mainly of people wandering through the countryside, quaint wildlife footage, and the lower body of leading lady Sophia Disgrace. Not that any of this is necessarily unappealing to look at. But soon enough you may well find your patience tested, and start pleading for the gore to come.

And don’t you worry. It’s coming.

But in these desensitised times, blood and guts will only take you so far. Sometimes, if you really went the audiences to pay attention, you need to throw a little more in there. Like piss. And shit. And people drinking piss. And people eating shit. And crazed hillbillies masturbating whilst coated in their own piss and shit. Queasy yet? Wait till you see what goes into the soup of the title. I’m not about to pretend that I’m the most hardened gorehound in the world, but there haven’t been many movies that have made my physically cover my mouth and fight the gag reflex. Even the notoriously excessive Braindead - or Dead Alive as y’all Americans call it - only made me do that once, in the "lovely custard!" scene. But watching Animal Soup, my hand barely left my mouth for the last half hour. (I probably should point out that the screener DVD I saw has not yet been past the BBFC; even though they’re not as scissor-happy these days than they have been in the past, I’m curious to see how they’ll react to this one.) And while the emphasis may be more on upsetting the stomach than jarring the nerves, there are a few genuinely creepy moments in there, as figures appear mysteriously among the foliage...

It should be noted, however, that there is a degree of reason to the repugnance. Like all good exploitation, the hideousness of Animal Soup is justified by the contemporary concerns it alludes to. What with mad cow disease, foot and mouth disease and bird flu, there hardly seems to be a time when Britain is not in the grip of some kind of agricultural panic, leading many to fret over rural conditions and whether or not our meat is fit to eat. These environmental anxieties are tapped into here, along with, more tenuously, the rise of neo-Nazism. I don’t know what stance the filmmakers have on meat-eating in general, but I’m sure vegans and animal rights types may well find plenty to relate to.

I should think by this point it should go without saying that Animal Soup is not to all tastes. But if you like your movies cheap and nasty - and this film is very much both - then you may well want to hunt it down. But you might want to keep a bucket and a bottle of mouthwash handy.