So in the last issue I told you all about "Necroville", a snazzy little flick about love, life, and a slightly effeminate vampire. It co-stars and was co-writen by two fine gentlemen by the names of Billy Garberina and Adam Jarmon Brown, a man who won't be limited to just two names. Last issue Mr. Garberina was kind enough to play 20 Questions with us, this issue we got Mr. Brown.

Well, Billy would probably be right. I'm a rather rude and mean person, so unpleasantly fat is kind of accurate. As for his chin... well, while it's the kind of Chin that makes Bruce Campbell stand up and take notice, it's kind of a cheap easy shot. So, unlike Billy, I'll take the high road and.... well... you see... ok, ok, I can't resist. Fur Diaper. Go find the trailer for Chris Seaver's new film "DEATH BONE" and see Billy in a pretty fur diaper. A fur diaper so pretty that Sean Connery wished he'd had one when he filmed "Zardoz." Fur Diaper and, ya know, his man boobs in his "Stink of Flesh" sex scene. I'd call those at least a medium A cup. They're pointy. Just saying.

2. I see you consider yourself something of a photographer. Do you really like taking pictures or is this more of a scheme to try to get chicks to take off their clothes?

Scheme to get chicks to take off their clothes. I like tits, what can I say. Ladies if you're interested in modeling for an overweight photographer who only shoots left handed you can email me at [redacted to protect the innocent].

3. Since January 1st of this year you've made six posts on your web site. Are you really that busy or are you just sort a lazy son of a bitch?

Lazy son of a bitch. No, I've just really had nothing to say. I'm *planning* on doing two things this year to motivate myself to write more. I've been working on notes for a novel that I plan to write, and more than likely web publish like David Wellington handled the monster island books. And I also plan to start blogging about all the TV I watch. Which is a lot. You can expect the TNT report, in which I make 24 posts a day about Law & Order reruns and describe in detail why I masturbated to that episode.

So yes, lazy son of a bitch, new relationship, working full time and a cat that always demands my attention and TWITTER. Twitter truly killed blogging for me. Why write a 2000 word blog post when I can spam blast the internet with profanity in 140 characters or less. Plus, my phone has this great twitter client on it and there's still no wordpress app for android. So twitter wins. But I'll start blogging again soon... I hope. Oh, and you can find me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/jarmon (shamless plug.)

4. "There's nothing gayer than a vampire." On a scale of one through ten, rate the accuracy of this statement.

I think Anne Rice ruined vampires for me. They're gay now. 100% true. I hate the whole "sensitive vampires" or "vampire heroes" thing that's come around in film, tv and books. I just want to see vamps ripping peoples heads off and stump fucking the remains after they suck the blood out.

David Wellington's vampires are pretty damn close to perfect. For whatever that's worth. Might I recommend his novel 13 Bullets if you're interested in real vampires.

And don't even get me started on fucking Twilight...

5. Weighing all factors (including availability, desperation due to chemical dependency, and attractiveness), which of the three sisters from 'Full House' (assuming Mary-Kate & Ashley Olson are two halves of one empty shell) is the most doable?

I'd rather perform analingus on Bob Saget after an all night bender where he sat in a damp speedo for 12 hours than bang any of those chicks. Though I do believe the Olsen twins murdered JFK.

6. When was the last time you were so drunk you called a loved one a bitch/asshole and really meant it?

Halloween 2007. I also fell naked out of a hot tub head first. True story.

7. Are Bert and Ernie gay?

Yes. But there's nothing wrong with that.

8. You seem to like drinking a lot. Is this because of self-hatred or because being drunk is fucking awesome?

I've cut down considerably the last two years (see naked hot tub incident). I still like my vodka and scotch. Being drunk was fucking awesome at times, but I'm turning 30 in a month, dating a wonderful woman, and trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. So drinking went right out the window. BUT, check back with me in about six months after the girl's dumped me and I've lost the job. Then I'm sure being drunk will be the bee's knees again.

9. Name three major Hollywood stars you could take in a fight? Feel free to include kids, chicks, and old people.

1) Wilford Brimley. - old man with diabetes? KO first round. Though, to be fair, every time I see him talking at 3am on Cable about some fucking god machine to test his blood he always seems incredibly pissed off. So maybe he has some hidden aggression to work out. I bet he beats his wife.

2) Steven Guttenberg. - I didn't even know the dude was still alive until he popped up on Dancing with the Stars. I assumed he'd committed after the wrap party for police academy 8. Yes I watched ONE season of Dancing with the Stars. And only until Adam Carolla got voted off.

3) Danny Bonaduce. - Speaking of Carolla give me a baseball bat and the element of surprise and I would beat this man to death. I truly hate this little gravely voiced douche nozzle. He smokes more than me, and he ruined the Adam Carolla radio show.

10. Below your Flickr profile picture you feel the need to add "I'm Male and Taken." Is this because you get hit on by guys who mistake you for female?

What can I say the guys love me. More cushion for the pushing.

No that's just flickr's profile stuff. If you tell it you're in a relationship it says you're taken. After being single for 2+ years, I'm rather proud to have a girl friend who isn't stealing from me, cheating on me, or trying to stab me. I advertise that pride.

11. When was the last time you had the overwhelming urge to smack someone in the face?

The octomom. I'd like to drive across the country and just bitch slap that woman one time. I mean, really, 14 kids? Though I did hear a good joke the other day that makes it all better:

Did ya hear about Denny's new Octomom special? It comes with 8 eggs, no sausage and the table next to you pays for it. *drum snare*

12. Assuming you were single and plenty of alcohol was involved, would you sleep with Joanie Laurer (former WWE superstar Chyna), just to say you did?

Well, I've always agreed with Doug Stanhope when he asked "How much work does a transexual have to have before I'm not gay for fucking them?"

Wait... it was just pointed out to me that Chyna is a woman. I just don't believe that. I'm going to check google BRB...

Ok... so according to Wikipedia Chyna is a woman. It's probably a matter of "her" people edited the article to hide the fact that she used to be a man.

So yeah, sure, I'd hit just to say I did.

13. How much of you was there in your character 'Bubba' from 'Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon'? Great movie, by the way.

I can't take any credit for Bubba. That was all Andrew's script and Richard Griffin's direction. As for the character, it was all pretty much on the page. I ad-libbed bit's and pieces but it was pretty much how Andrew wrote it.

It was funny that Bubba is the only mexican redneck on earth with a tongue piercing. No one seems to notice that. Bill Decoff, Patrick Pitu and I had this ridiculous back story worked out where Clay had killed Bubba's parents but couldn't bring himself to kill a baby and adopted Bubba. Good times.

14. In your own experience, how much truth is there in "beer before liquor, nothing makes you sicker"?

I'm honestly not a huge beer drinker. I prefer hard liquor. I know the few times I've mixed the two I've been perfectly fine.

Beer and wine on the other hand will fuck your shit up.

15. There's ten different people selling copies of 'Necroville' on ebay. How many of them are you?

None that I'm aware of. None are Billy either. Maybe I should send a cease and desist letter.

16. Who's crazier, Hunter S. Thompson or Alan Moore?

Well I'd have to say Alan Moore for passing on all that Watchmen money he could have made. And HST is dead.

17. God comes to you and tells you that you can have any band you want play in your living room for you next birthday party. Who's the band?

AC/DC. Either have them play my birthday party or I'd have Bear McCreary, the guy who writes the score for Battlestar, come in and score my life for a day. Imagine the dramatic "taking a dump" music he could come up with.

18. If tomorrow you got into a horrendous car accident and were left brain dead, would you rather live on machines or have your family pull the plug?

Pull the plug. Unless I'm really funny. I don't mean like Terry Schiavo's last words funny, I mean bring down the house Sam Kinison funny. I don't want to lay in a bed all day and cost my family money. I did that for the first 18 years of my life, I'd rather not do it for the last 18 years. Though the irony of my mother having to change my diapers again isn't lost on me. Plus, I like food, and getting fed through a tube is completely unappealing to me.

19. I see you're involved with someone. Let's say she suffered serious head trauma with the result being that for the rest of her life she talked like Ms. Piggy. Would you stay with her?

I love her, I do. But I think at that point all of our communication would be reduced to text messages and email. Which, to be honest, wouldn't be that different than it is right now.

20. Let's say you're making a movie. Who would you rather have make a cameo, John Waters or Jackie Chan?

Jackie Chan and John Waters? Couldn't I do a buddy cop movie with the both of them. John Water's catch phrase would be "I'm too gay for this shit."