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Ahhh, Fall…My favorite time of year. The leaves turn beautiful golden colors, chilly afternoon strolls take a toasty and satisfying turn when ended with a hot cup of cocoa and the vicious media and retail chains begin their merciless countdown to Christmas. Heathens! Have no fear though my little horror fan, I have what you need. Fall also means that Halloween is just around the corner. How am I reminded of this? Well, I'm a lover of all things ghoulish for one. Oh, and my local grocery store begins selling Halloween candy in August. Who buys candy that early? What sadist puts a stale three-month old Zagnut in the trick-or-treat bag of an adorable five-year-old dressed as Winnie the Pooh?
Anyway, I sometimes wonder what some of my favorite personalities feel about the genre that I am so fond of. Would a zombie-infected Jim Norton eat Raj from WHAT'S HAPPENING!!? Would Sunny Leone have been willing to provide some sexual healing to the marriage woes of Jack and Wendy Torrance in THE SHINING? Wonder no longer, the following celebrities were gracious enough to answer these and many other questions.
Jim Norton is an accomplished stand up comedian, best-selling author and radio personality. He has been seen in his own HBO comedy special MONSTER RAIN and as a correspondent for The Jay Leno Show. His book I HATE YOUR GUTS is in stores now and he can be heard on XM Satellite Radio's Opie and Anthony show.
In his spare time Jim enjoys long golden showers, excessive masturbation and staying up until all hours trying to find inexpensive "full service" masseuses on Craig's List.
Jim was nice enough to pull himself away from those hobbies long enough to answer my questions.
1. If you were a victim in a horror movie how would you want to die?
I'd want to be fucked to death by Megan Fox in a Freddy Krueger mask.
2. What horror film would make a great porno?
DR. DOOLITLE.
3. What was the first horror film you saw?
Crowhaven Farm.
4. What scared you as a kid?
Heights.
5. What children's book would make a great horror film?
CURIOUS GEORGE AND THE PHONY RAPE CONVICTION
6. How would Opie & Anthony most likely meet their end in a horror movie?
A werewolf would yell "Babba-Booey" and shoot all three of us.
7. What are some of your favorite horror movies?
THE EXORCIST and HAROLD AND MAUDE.
8. Is there a comedian you could see easily becoming a serial killer?
Ellen DeGeneres. She'd hand someone a gun, then make them watch her dance until they shoot themselves.
9. Have you ever wanted to kill a heckler?
Every single one of them, without exception.
10. It's 1976, you're on the American TV show WHAT'S HAPPENING!! where you turn into a flesh-eating zombie. Who do you eat first? Chubby Rerun or Raj's rotund momma, Mabel?
Neither. I'd eat Shirley Hemphill because I was attracted to her.
Check out Jim's Myspace page at www.myspace.com/jimnorton
Porn Princess Sunny Leone made her debut to the world on the cover of Penthouse magazine and was named Pet of the Month for the March 2001 issue. Four years later she signed a contract with Vivid Video making hardcore adult movies such as SUNNY IN BRAZIL, SUNNY LOVES MATT and the recent UNDRESS ME and VIVID RED.
Sunny debuted her own production company SunLust Pictures that has allowed her to finance and film SunLust titles such as DARK SIDE OF THE SUN and the newly released SUNNY'S SLUMBER PARTY. (Author's note: I have my overnight bag already packed for the sequel Sunny, just putting that out there).
In the middle of building her awesome empire, Sunny channeled her inner horror fan and answered my questions. Sunny is about to turn horror into a four-letter word.
1. Any scary moments on a porn set that you could share?
When a girl had white weird shit in her pussy from being sick or something. That is horror for me! LOL
2. Who's more hairy, Ron Jeremy or a werewolf?
A werewolf! I just saw Ron and he did a sex performance for our last movie SUNNY’S SLUMBER PARTY and he was shaved down...Not sure how hairy he really is.
3. If you had to pick one: Getting stabbed in the shower or being ripped apart by zombies?
Stabbed in the shower because I don’t think I would know it was coming. Instead of the agony of seeing the zombie coming and feeling him rip me apart.
4. What was the first horror movie you ever watched?
CANDYMAN
5. What are some of your favorite horror movies?
CANDYMAN
FRIDAY THE 13TH
SAW
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
THE CLOWN
THE SHINING
6. If Paul Thomas made a version of PSYCHO and called it PsycHO, would you want to be in it?
No, and I won’t go into detail....
7. In THE SHINING, Jack and Wendy Torrance (Jack Nicholson and Shelly Duvall respectively) have serious relationship issues after being snowbound in a fancy hotel. Given the hot three-way scenes you have done, do you think you could have helped them out?
Yes, I would have walked around the hotel in stilettos and a nighty and with Wendy dressed the same way we would go bang Jack.
8. What scared you as a kid?
The dark and the people under the stairs (I thought someone was always under there)
9. The power has just gone out. Do you call the Power Company or go down to the dark basement in nothing but a bra and panties to fiddle with the fuse box?
FUCK NO! Call the Power Company.
10. What is your favorite death scene from a horror movie?
In SAW when she falls into the pit of glass and needles. Or a ton of others I can’t think of...
11. An ax-wielding maniac is after you, Jesse Jane and Tera Patrick. Who has the stuff to be the "final girl" (the last woman or girl alive to confront the killer)?
Tera! She's bigger.
Check out Sunny at www.sunnyleone.com
Musician Keaton Simons, who has shared the stage with such acts as Coldplay, Chris Isaak, Gnarls Barkley and Five For Fighting, has already been able to sport a powerhouse resume by working with the Black Eyed Peas and Snoop Dogg. The impressive artist has recently released his emotional debut album, Can You Hear Me, on CBS Records.
The album is nothing short of amazing and Keaton is concentrating on where he was born to be, performing live on stage. He is currently touring and keeping his ever-growing fan base happy with his soulful melodies and meaningful lyrics. Keep up with Keaton at his website www.keatonsimons.com and purchase Can You Hear Me there or at amazon.com.
1. What horror movie do you wish you could have done the music for?
The Shining.
2. What is scarier: Linda Blair's character from THE EXORCIST or Kevin Federline thinking he can make music?
I've gotta go with Federline.
3. What is the worst horror movie you have ever seen?
There are no bad horror movies. The worse they are, the better they are.
4. If you could bring back any deceased musician to jam with for one day who would it be?
Jimi Hendrix.
5. What is the first horror film you saw in the theater?
I honestly don't remember.
6. There is an outbreak of flesh-eating zombies that crave musical trios. Who do you save, Crosby, Stills and Nash or The Jonas Brothers?
CSN without a doubt.
7. What is the best death scene you have ever seen in a horror movie?
Just saw it last night in a really messed up movie called "The Last House On The Left".
8. What instrument would make a great weapon?
Drum kit because it presents a virtual arsenal including the drum stick which can even be used to slay a vampire if necessary.
9. Name two female singers who are so good it's scary?
Lelia Broussard and Nina Storey.
10. Woodstock 1969: Who would have killed more hippies, Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger?
Gotta go with Jason.
You may have heard of English comic Matt Berry. Berry has been in some of the most creative and amazingly funny programs ever committed to the TV screen. Perhaps most well known for his performance as Dr. Lucien Sanchez in the purposely campy Garth Merenghi's DARKPLACE, he has also worked with American comic Rich Fulcher on the brilliant BBC series SNUFF BOX and was in the 2008 science fiction movie MOON directed by Duncan Jones.
Matt can currently be heard on his podcast by going to absoluteradio.co.uk and his new album, WITCHHAZEL,is coming out October 26th. Matt was nice enough to give his thoughts on horror because we all know how much the Brits love horror. Enjoy!
1. If you were a victim in a horror movie how would you want to die?
Having a heart attack while having sex with someone fancy.
2. What horror film would make a great porno?
Children Of The Damned.
3. What was the first horror film you saw?
The Exorcist.
4. What scared you as a kid?
The dogs.
5. What children's book would make a great horror film?
Uncle Tom's Cabin.
6. How would Dr. Lucien Sanchez most likely meet his end in a horror movie?
STD
7. What are some of your favorite horror movies?
'Frenzy' and the one where Billy Bob Thorndyke and Halle Berry get down.
8. Is there a comedian you could see easily becoming a serial killer?
None, as to become a serial Killer you have to be interesting in the first place.
9. Have you ever wanted to kill a heckler?
No because I always assume it's a voice in my head.
10. It's 1976, you're on the American TV show WHAT'S HAPPENING!! where you turn into a flesh-eating zombie. Who do you eat first? Chubby Rerun or Raj's rotund momma, Mabel?
I've no idea what this program is and so therefore cannot comment on any of those characters.
(Authors Note: I realized what a travesty this was and, due to wanting to keep relations between America and Britain flowing beautifully, I immediately sent Matt a clip of the 70's classic. I silently wept that night though due to the realization young Matt Berry was denied watching the shenanigans of Raj, Rerun and Dwayne.)
To learn more about Matt, listen to his music and see some of his work, visit him on his Myspace page at www.myspace.com/mattberrysmusic
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janet