Stiff Jobs (2009)
Starring Thaddeus Starbuckle & David Wayne Black
Directed by Kevin Strange
Written by Kevin Strange

 

"Stiff Jobs" tells the tale of Wolfram (Thaddeus Starbuckle) and Windgate (David Wayne Black), two hit men hired to knock off a pedophile while at the same time discussing which culture gives the best fellatio.

Fellatio talk is not even close to all that transpires between beginning and end. There are flashbacks of anal sex gone horribly wrong, including an anal raping of a man by five homeless men hell bent on becoming porn stars (Tera Patrick is even referenced). The word 'fuck' is used enough times that I think it might have come close to tying the record for use in a feature film. Not to mention blood splatter from gunshots, numerous slang for penis, anal sex, and fellatio, some decent boob shots and sex scenes, some alright acting with continuous bad acting, bad camera angles and shadowing that showed the camera and boom of the microphone – and an ending that went into the supernatural.

All this may sound like a bad movie, yet I found myself feeling totally the opposite. Yes, the scenes are nasty and badly done but that was the point. I laughed so hard at the filth that half way through the film I thought to myself, "I have got to see the other movies these guys put out."

Was it cheesy? Yes. Was it trying too hard to gross out the audience? Of course. Did it use its various cuss words and slang to the point that Rob Zombie would even be proud of it? Hell yes. Would I recommend it to anyone? Now there is the tricky part. Only die-hard horror fans and those with a strong stomach can handle this type of film. Luckily for me, I am one of said people and I found the film to be highly entertaining.

But the best part was the things that normal people would probably not find so funny, if they found them funny at all. At first, Windgate always saying the full words of his dialogue seemed to be the signs of bad acting, but, as the film went along it made his character that much better, especially when arguing with Wolfram over the fellatio-besting cultures.

And what of Wolfram? He seemed to be a "don’t-give-a-damn-about-anything" kind of guy with a love of anal sex and murdering pedophiles (and other sick bastards) while spitting out his dialogue with the gusto of Jeff Anderson’s character Randal in "Clerks." He always wears sunglasses – even in the flashback scene of his uncle getting gang raped, Wolfram dons the glasses and the same t-shirt he wears as an adult all while in the body of an 8-year old. At times, while looking into the reflection in his sunglasses, the camera and mike can be seen, which I found to actually be a cool part of the process.

As low-budget horror goes this one is in the tops. The story made sense despite all the gory talk and fecal spewing onto ass lovers – the scenes that I laughed hardest at mind you. And the directing was, for the most part, tip-top. Way over the top, but great nonetheless and definitely the work of some sick and twisted fucks. It feels like one day while sitting around smoking pot and watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, they realized that they, too, could make grotesque horror. They went out and got themselves a camera and some girls who wouldn’t mind talking about the difference between swallowing sperm as opposed to it being shot on their faces, wrote up everything they liked about Grindhouse-type cinema, talked their best friend into dressing up like a pedophile that likes the way senior citizens go down on him, and yelled “Action!”.

In the end they came up with low-budget horror gold that, in my opinion, was more entertaining than anything I could have ever expected the film to be. Kudos to writer/director Kevin Strange, you truly are the no/low budget Rob Zombie.