Bloody Movie (1987) Starring John Ireland, Cameron Mitchell, Alan Hale Jr., Staci Greason & Michelle Bauer Written by Kenneth J. Hall, Murray Levy, Nick Marino & David Rigg Directed by Nick Marino & André De Toth

Directed by Nick Marino and an uncredited Andre de Toth, Bloody Movie, like many bad Slasher films from the decade of DeLoreans, works in just how goofy it can be. It's one of those films that is generally ridiculous in its characters, dialogue, acting, wardrobe, setting, and situations in which the characters are put. One of the first things to stand out for me - besides the sporadic bathtub tittie shots, Grizzly Adams and the Skipper - was the intense dialogue that is strewn about Bloody Movie. I brought an example along as evidence:

This conversation is between two females, and a dude named Chip. Like, computer Chip.

Girls 1 & 2 in unison - "Have some popcorn"

Chip - "Thanks"

Girl 1 - "We just made it"

Girl 2 - "Oh, it's great, you'll love it"

Chip *while taking a bite* - "Hmmm...fresh"

Girl 1 "Yeah"

Pretty powerful stuff right there...poetry in motion, as they say.

There is plenty more cheese sauce to spread all over this review, but I should hold off and get into the drive of this film. And no, I'm not talking about the boobies, but the KILLS! Now, Bloody Movie starts off with two kills (and one set of boobies!) in the first ten or so minutes, which is a great sign. When the film's killer takes out his victims, he does so by dressing up as one of Lance Hayward's classical film characters. This ranges from a 20's Gangster, Robin Hood, Safari Hunter, Arabian warrior, and even a pirate. When a character is just about to get it, the film goes into what is a montage that coincides with what costume the killer is wearing at the time. This montage consists of shuffling production photos, intercut with clips from the film (real films of the era), and then the victim is killed by whatever weapon best fit the movie itself.

How the kills are handled is something of a double-edged sword for this Slasher, as the idea is very creative and unlike anything I have really ever seen before. However, having the lead up to a death interrupted for a film history montage takes away any sort of tension and feels more like an interruption. It ruins any sort of natural flow that might otherwise be there. It does make for versatile kills, albeit, kills that are a little on the corny side. Well, a lot on the corny side, but I applaud the attempt at originality. Plus, it does give the chance for a mega-mulleted and shirtless metal/biker dude to fight with the killer as he is dressed up as Lancelot. I thought I was watching a MANOWAR video for a second.

Still, even if the kills are flawed, they did command my attention, as well as some of the movie's many cheesy moments. When the before mentioned mega-mulleted metal-dude and his sexy mega-mulleted loving girlfriend decide to "get it on," they throw on some tunes to bone to. The song of choice is 'Crank It Up' by the metal band, Surgical Steel, with lyrics that start out as such: "When you feel the beat - the pounding of your feet - that's the power!" Now that is the type of song that gets me to some hard fucking...mullet swinging in the air, ass cheeks clenched tight type of hard fucking. You have to wonder if Surgical Steel was all pumped about their song being in a movie, only to learn that the movie is Bloody Movie. I also found it funny that the metal chick fends off the killer at one point by throwing a blanket over his head. Not a bad idea, if he were a cat or a baby.

For a film with so much going for it on a humoristic level, I am surprised I didn't absolutely love Bloody Movie. I certainly enjoyed it, but as a connoisseur of 'so bad it's good' cinema, I should have liked it more. The problem with the film is it losses a lot of steam by the last 20 or 30 minutes. It becomes more of a drawn-out showdown between the killer and his final victim that well overstays its welcome. But as I said at the opening of this review, I really stopped paying attention by that point in the film, unless there was the chance of nudity, murder, or that mega-mulleted-metal-machine showing up to rock the house. Still, Bloody Movie has more than enough hysterical moments to keep fans of trash more than happy and would certainly make for a good background movie while drinking beers and eating some recently made popcorn. Hmmm...fresh.