Against the Dark (2009) Starring Steven Seagal, Tanoai Reed & Jenna Harrison Directed by Richard Crudo Written by Mathew Klickstein

This one is so bad that I am a little perplexed as to where to begin describing this disaster. The narrative bounces back and forth between zombie apocalypse, and untold numerous shots of a black-leather trench-coated Seagal, strutting hero like down a series of hallways. This approach may have worked if Seagal had done anything while marching down these hallways, but he doesn’t. This creates the two movie effect as it disjointedly leaps back and forth. Is it a film about the disparate group of survivors who are seeking shelter in the abandoned hospital or, is it about this old dude with a ponytail and a Katana sword who aimlessly wanders hallways in slow motion with his posse?

After a global infection lays waste to the population of earth, survivors are left to forage and fend for themselves amongst the wreckage of civilization. In addition to lack of food, the survivors must also avoid the infected. These mistakes of nature are a cross pollinated ghoul similar to vampires but for the most part mindless eating machines, closer in nature to a zombie. This is the plot of movie number one.

As the survivors decide to take refuge in the abandoned hospital that really isn’t abandoned, the still functioning U.S. military is moving into position outside. Their plan is to nuke the area, prevent the spread of the infection, and then do other stuff, I guess. It isn’t ever explained, I have my doubts even the writer could offer a legitimate answer. We have already been told that the disease had decimated the world’s population leaving only pockets of humanity. Doesn’t this make a missile strike pointless?

Lt. Waters (Keith David) is about to give orders to launch the fighters, when he learns that an elite group of “hunters” led by Tao (Steven Seagal) have infiltrated the hospital to (?) I really don’t have a clue and I don’t think they did either, do something. This is the point in the film when you really become aware of what a mess this is. This is movie number two; it really has nothing to do with what is going on in storyline one. The longer you watch this mess, the dumber you get!

I would like to provide you with a clearer plot synopsis but how does one go about encapsulating random thoughts and actions into a narrative that makes sense delivered in a concise manner? One doesn’t, as far as I am concerned! For the love of whatever deity you worship, be it God or Britney, do not waste 94 minutes of your life on this!

In closing, I would like to say that I have nothing against Steven Seagal. I honestly admit that I have often found great amusement in watching the man hurt people. The problem here is not the films star; it is the films lack of any real plot. Watching Against the Dark leaves you with the distinct impression that two films were begun, and then one film devoured the other, absorbing the leftovers and mutating into this fucking turd! Good night dear readers, may your dreams make far more sense than Against the Dark!